‘How to write a dating profile’ is likely going to be your first question when approaching online dating.
How do you feel when writing your online dating profile? Overwhelmed? Confused? Relaxed? Write it please in the comment section below!
Don’t fear. This article is all you need to construct a killer online dating profile and make it stand above others.
Before we begin, let’s recap what we are going to cover in this guide.
Table of Contents
- 1. 3 Science-based steps on how to write a dating profile
- 2. Step 1: Screen name
- 2.1. Make your screen name similar to hers
- 3. Step 2: Headline message
- 3.1. Make her stop and think
- 4. Step 3: Profile description
- 4.1. Keep the 70:30 proportion
- 4.2. Demonstrate these core qualities
- 4.3. How NOT to demonstrate your core qualities
- 4.4. Tell a story
- 4.5. Case study: My own little story
- 4.6. Why is this a good story?
- 5. Conclusion
Writing a dating profile can be a daunting prospect. This is unsurprising. After all, what else have you got to showcase who you are to women?
In a pub, or a library, you can project your voice, you can adjust your body language, you can quickly react to how your interaction with a woman unveils.
In the world of online dating, however, you cannot do any of those things.
Instead, your potential date will judge you based on what she sees on your dating profile. And what exactly will she see?
Each dating profile consists of two main elements: your written description of who you are and what you look for, and your pictures.
And those two elements you must get just RIGHT. The big question is, of course, how can you know what RIGHT is.
Not to worry! You’ve got me and… science!
1. 3 Science-based steps on how to write a dating profile
I like giving you advice based on my own perspective as a woman. Obviously, you can trust me to know what women like.
But whenever I can, I love reading around the subject of dating and attraction.
I also enjoy searching for the latest research on this topic, in order to make my advice and tips for you even more accurate.
The good new is, there is some solid science data on how to write a dating profile. Another good news is that it is relatively easy to implement.
You just need someone to guide you through it. That’s me, of course!
In this post, I am going to share with you what SCIENCE says about crafting a perfect dating profile – in 3 simple, bullet-proof steps.
2. Step 1: Screen name
This one you haven’t probably thought about that much, have you.
I mean, you could just write your name with some random number, and that’s it. Something like Mark1980 or LuckyJohn7.
You could do that, of course. Or, you can listen to what scientific findings say about the kinds of names which women are more attracted to.
According to a study published in BMJ Evidence-Based Medicine, your choice in this regard CAN make a difference:
Desirable names are more often associated with attraction than undesirable names. Names with negative connotations (eg, Little, Bugg) are often associated with inferiority.1 Playful screen names (eg, Fun2bwith) are universally attractive.Khalid S Khan, Sameer Chaudhry
That’s not all. In addition to playful screen names, women also like names which convey intelligence.
For example, if you can include words such as ‘cultured’, that may have a positive impact on women.
The study also suggests that names beginning with a letter near the top of the alphabet are more likely to appear more prominently than other names.
Here is a list of 60 Catchy and Impressive Username Ideas for Dating Sites for inspiration.
2.1. Make your screen name similar to hers
One more tip on the screen names:
Perceptions of similarity-to-self and liking developed as a result of name similarity heighten one’s attention and make one more willing to respond.Khalid S Khan, Sameer Chaudhry
What does it mean to you? It means that before even thinking how to write a dating profile, browse the profiles of women you like.
Then, see if you can come up with a screen name, which will be somehow similar to the screen names of some of those women.
I know it may not make much sense to you, but we, women, notice those things.
We not only notice them, but we always look for meaning. The meaning of everything.
So if I see someone with a screen name somehow similar to mine, I will instinctively feel intrigued. Could this be a sign?
I am serious here. Here is another example. Let’s say we start chatting and it turns out that we were born on the same day, only in different years.
In that situation, even though I consider myself an intelligent and well-educated woman, I would not be able to help it.
I would likely think this is not coincidental. Automatically, I would be intrigued and more attracted to you.
3. Step 2: Headline message
Many dating websites ask you to write a headline message. If they don’t, you can still implement the principle covered in this section.
Simply write your headline message as the first sentence of your profile description. And then, continue with the rest of your description in the next paragraph.
Here is what the study says about your headline message:
Simple language, not over-complicated wording, is likely to result in significantly higher ratings of intelligence because people are naturally drawn to words that are easy to remember and pronounce. It makes information-processing easier, which also increases likeability.Khalid S Khan, Sameer Chaudhry
But you must take a note of this: simple does not mean simplistic. It only means easy to remember and pronounce.
What it means is that if you have a thought, which you can express in plain English, don’t hit the Thesaurus website to look for fancy-sounding synonyms.
Stick to your original wording. There is a reason you want to express your thought in the way, which first came to your mind, and not the more fancy version.
So trust your instinct on this one.
3.1. Make her stop and think
But that’s not all. There is more on the headline message when writing your dating profile.
In addition to using the simple language, you also want to write something which, will make her stop and think for a moment.
If you are stuck, fear not! Here is a list 33 Inspirational Quotes All Women Need to Hear.
OK, so you will get her to stop and think for a moment. That, in itself, is good. She may well want to find out more about you.
That’s great news. But there is more!
The evidence also suggests that if she stops and thinks about your headline message for a moment, she will also be that much longer exposed to your profile photo.
What does it mean? It means that she is more likely to develop sympathy towards you. Exposing her for longer to your primary photo will likely make her more interested in you.
4. Step 3: Profile description
All right, so we have already covered quite a lot on how to write a dating profile. But actually, we haven’t even touched upon the profile description!
Interestingly, scientific findings can also help us with this task. And that means you won’t have to make any guesses. You will KNOW what to do.[cp_modal display=”inline” id=”cp_id_522d8″][/cp_modal]
The first point to note here is that your profile description should be ‘close to reality’.
What does it mean? It simply means that you should make a realistic reflection of who you are and what your life is about.
In that context, you need to learn how to tell a good story. It will come in handy! I will come to that in a moment.
4.1. Keep the 70:30 proportion
Here is the overarching framework for writing your profile description.
According to the studies, your profile description should only be 70% about you.
In other words, 70% of your profile should focus on your qualities, who you are, what you are about, what you do, etc.
You can guess what the remaining 30% of your profile description should be about, right?
It should be about HER.
What are the qualities you are looking for in a woman? Who should be that woman?
Here is what one woman said irritates her about men on dating websites:
It’s all about them—blah, blah, blah—no questions about me… another major time waster. Epic fail!Quora
You don’t want to be that guy.
In case you are unsure what to write in those 30%, here is something for inspiration: a list of 25 Qualities The Woman You Marry Should Have.
4.2. Demonstrate these core qualities
OK, now let’s come back to your 70%. What should you write about yourself?
That actually can be the question for another post, but here is what scientific findings tell us:
In the absence of familiarity, men prefer physical fitness in women gained via yoga, aerobics and gym, not via rugby and bodybuilding, while women prefer bravery, courage and a willingness to take risks rather than kindness and altruism in their partners.Khalid S Khan, Sameer Chaudhry
It’s possibly quite easy for you get the part about what men seek in women.
Men like hot women, and hot women are fit. Sure, that may sound ‘politically incorrect’, but it is what it is.
And all I want to tell you is how things are, rather than how they should be. I am sure you agree with me on this.
4.3. How NOT to demonstrate your core qualities
But now, let’s move to the more important aspect of how to write a dating profile. We need to ask: What qualities women seek in men.
It probably does not come as a surprise to you that women appreciate bravery, courage and a willingness to take risks.
You’ve probably known that at some level. But the question is, how to demonstrate those traits in your profile description?
More specifically, how to demonstrate those qualities without coming across as braggy?
Let’s first say what NOT to do. And that is telling that you are brave, etc. Can you imagine?
Just picture that profile for a moment: ‘I am brave, I am courageous, and I like to take risks’. I mean, it does sound funny, right?
So what do you do? You don’t state that you have those qualities. You demonstrate them.
4.4. Tell a story
How? Quite simply, you do it with stories. Short stories about yourself. I have already given you some pointers on how to incorporate a story into your profile.
But of course, there is much more to it. Here is an article on How to Tell a Great Story from Harvard Business Review.
There are some great tips there and you should be able to come up with some little stories from your own life.
Those stories, needless to say, should demonstrate the core qualities most attractive to women.
If you can combine them with some humor, that’s even better!
Here is a thought and a question to begin with:
The best storytellers look to their own memories and life experiences for ways to illustrate their message. What events in your life make you believe in the idea you are trying to share?Carolyn O’Hara
I believe in taking risks in life. Not outrageous risks, but simply pushing yourself out there on a regular basis.
I love this proverb: ‘He who doesn’t risk, doesn’t drink champagne‘.
So, what event in my life made me believe in the value of taking risks? That’s the question I begin with.
4.5. Case study: My own little story
Here is how I could tell a story about taking risks in my life:
I believe in the value of taking risks in life. I learned it back in 2011, when I worked as a teacher in a small town in Poland.
Admittedly, I liked this job, but I didn’t feel as passionate about it as I should have.
I felt there was more to me. In the summer, while on a break from school, I came across this job advert for a night club bartender in a big city 6 hours drive from my town.
It felt strangely exciting, even though a bartender was far cry from a teacher. Perhaps this is why it seemed so tempting?
One thing you have to understand is that I was socialised not to travel too far away from my town. The ties in my local community were strong and my mum was not the one to encourage me to take risks.
I also had this one friend, who was telling me I must be crazy thinking about taking this risky job. I suspect you know what happened, right?
Yes, I traveled to that city and I took this night time job. And I never went back to being a teacher.
I got so much more excitement and satisfaction from that bartender job back then. And my friend, eventually, left that little town too.
One thing I can say is that this significant experience shaped me in important ways. Most importantly, it gave me courage to believe in myself.
4.6. Why is this a good story?
That’s just a quick example. But you can see emotions here, right?
I first felt somehow bored and uninspired. Then I felt fear, anxiety, uncertainty and excitement.
Eventually, I felt happy and satisfied with my life choices.
There are some characters in the story: people who try to prevent me from taking a risky action (in good faith, of course).
And even though I am the central figure in this story, the story isn’t really about me. It is about lessons I had learned, which can hopefully inspire others.
Now, think about your own life. How could you demonstrate your great qualities?
Make a list of events and moments from your life, which triggered all or some of the following emotions in you:
Now, think which one of those events would make an interesting story. Who were the people involved? Did something funny happened there too?
How did this experience make you feel? What did you learn? How did your approach to life change?
This is a story you can use in your profile.
At this point you should have a good idea on how to write a dating profile. As you can see, it is not that difficult, but it does require some effort.
And that’s good. After all, you want to attract your perfect woman, which is important to you right?
And all things important in life should take some effort.
If you follow the three steps I outlined here, your online dating profile will stand out. That means your effort will pay off.
Again, these steps are:
- Your screen name: now you know that it’s more important than most men realize.
- The headline message: You know your purpose here: make her stop and think for a moment.
- Your profile description: Keep in mind the 70:30 rule. Tell a story. Demonstrate your qualities, don’t brag about them!
I hope you find these ideas useful. I would love to know how you get on with writing your own dating profile!
Please share your questions or frustrations in a comment below or by messaging me.[cp_modal display=”inline” id=”cp_id_c85a1″][/cp_modal]