online dating

The Number 1 Rule for Men in Online Dating

When a man wants to learn about how to become more successful in online dating, it often means he wants to learn what he should write.

Or what pictures to upload.

This is unsurprising because, after all, online dating is all about written words and images.

Women make their (initial) judgement based on what they see on the screen. And that, of course, is words and images.

But even if I give you the most original and effective scripts to copy and paste into your profiles and messages, they will only give you a short-term benefit.

They may work to attract the attention of a woman you like.

But you will fail the moment she discovers there is disconnection between what you wrote and how you converse.

This post is about something much deeper than a quick fix for what to write in your profile. Let’s see what we are going to cover here.

Table of Contents

Imagine Superman not knowing what his powers are and where they come from, and acting like Clark Kent the moment he interacts with someone!

In other words, before you know what to write, you must know why you should construct your profile and messages in a certain way. You must get the overarching framework for constructing your online dating profile.

Some men get that. One male friend, when I asked him what he would like to learn about online dating, said:

I would be interested in reading your blog if it is more than just a list of rules. It is difficult for me to follow rules if I do not understand why it is good for me to follow them.

D.J.

So let’s talk about the number one rule men should follow in online dating, and why it is important to follow it.

1. You cannot act needy

How many times have you heard that you should not act needy when interacting with a woman? Perhaps too many.

But what does it really mean? Among countless definitions, I like this one from PsychCentral, which stipulates that being needy means holding the following belief:

I am unable to see my worth, and I need you to make me feel better about myself and my world.

Margarita Tartakovsky

Needless to say, you want to communicate the opposite trait to a woman. Women are generally not attracted to needy men, just like men don’t like clingy women.

Both men and women are psychologically wired to feel attracted to individuals who value themselves and are aware of their own self-worth.

When you communicate to the world that you consider yourself of high value, you are much more likely to be seen in that way.

And it works both ways: a woman who may not meet all the culturally-accepted criteria of ‘beauty’ may still be seen attractive if she acts as if she sees herself that way.

So what does it all mean for your online dating profile?

2. You already love your life

Here is the first part of the online dating rule for men: You must convey in your dating profile that you are actually very happy with your life. You love your life and are passionate about things happening in your life.

Does this make sense? That is exactly the opposite of acting needy. You must demonstrate that your life is really good as it is. You have a great job, or a great hobby, or you travel to great places, and you love it.

Think about girls you are attracted to for a second. Movie starts, singers, or just someone you know from work. Do they come across as needy? Or do they seem like they are happy with their life?

So it works both ways. OK, but what if you truly aren’t happy with your life and hoping that only a sexy woman can change it? Well, in that case I say you need to fix your life first.

You need to work on accepting yourself, finding passion and joy in your life, and ultimately finding yourself as someone of high value.

The reason I am saying this is twofold. First, you will make yourself a huge favor. And second, you will not have to fake your profile.

You know faking it will only take you so far. Here is a great guide from wikiHow on Hot to Love Your Life in 15 Steps.

OK, so now that we have that covered, the big question is: how to convey it in your profile that you actually love your life?

I am going to show you three smart ways to do that – she will get that message!

3. Method 1: Say it in your online dating profile!

That’s right. State it explicitly that you actually love your life and are passionate about it.

Here is what you can say:

One thing I can say about myself is that I truly love my life. Every day I feel grateful and passionate about the things I do, see and experience.

I must be one of the lucky ones who truly enjoys his job. I work in a kitchen of this great little restaurant, and it makes me happy each time I see happy guests excited with their food.

Oh, and I also feel passionate about one of my hobbies, which is collecting movie posters. I love how they are printed in a certain way, to showcase the best qualities of a movie.

There is just something magical about them, especially the older ones, which are not readily available. I like to think about how they were printed , how someone displayed them in a cinema, and how people looked at them before watching the movie.

You get the picture, right? I know. You may say: movie posters? Come on Angie, that’s not sexy.

It can be sexy to her if it is to you! In fact, it can be sexy if you say it in the right way.

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Don’t have any hobbies? Well, consider developing some. Even if they don’t get you laid, you might find a new passion in your life!

And to help you with that, here is the list of 20 hobbies which arguably are guaranteed to impress ladies! From my own perspective though, anything you feel passionate about is good with me.

Again, it’s all about how you say things. And this brings me to the second method for demonstrating that you love you life in your online dating profile.

4. Method 2: Tell a story

Think about your favorite movie. What do you like about it? What makes it special for you? I bet it’s not special effects. It’s not even that hot actress. It’s the story. The plot.

Am I right? Everyone loves a good story.

You know what that means for your online dating profile, right? You need to include a story.

It does not have to be long. It should be long enough to make her curious. And also to make her hooked.

So let me go back to the example of the movie posters. I thought hard about the example which would actually make it difficult to tell a story about.

You get that, right? I mean, movie posters. But you can see how I started drawing a story about it. In essence, what I did is I allowed her to go back to that moment in the past and experience that moment.

To make it a really interesting story, I would actually focus on just one movie poster. And I would zoom in on its history.

Include some characters (movie-goers), emotions (magical, breathtaking), even twists (the poster would likely be destroyed if I didn’t rescue it!).

You get the picture. According to Quartz, women’s attraction to stories and storytellers is conditioned by evolution:

Given that women are likely to value a “good dad” or provider more in long-term relationships, our findings suggest that male storytelling ability may suggest resource-gaining prowess to women – especially if good storytellers can gain higher social status.

Melanie Green

And your story doesn’t have to be about your hobby. It can be literally about anything. Just make sure it conveys your happiness and passion for life!

5. Method 3: Your pictures

The final method for showing that you love your life in your online dating profile is to use the right pictures.

Now, that could be a topic for another post, but I want to tell you one thing here.

Women love when your pictures tell a story, or rather invite her to ask you about your story.

And the good news is, it’s really easy to achieve that effect! Now, on your online dating profile you should have some professional photos.

But I am not going to talk about these now. In addition to the professional photos, however, you also need at least one 1 story-telling photo.

A story-telling photo is a photo of you not posing, but rather doing something that you enjoy.

Let me say it again. You should have at least one photo, on which you don’t pose. This is a photo where you act as if you didn’t know/care that you are being photographed.

On that photo, you are doing what you love, what you feel passionate about. It can be as simple as hanging your movie poster on a wall! (OK, enough with the movie posters lol. But you see what I mean).

OK, so you know the first part of my rule. You must convey that you love your life and feel passionate about things in your life.

But where does that leave the scope for meeting a woman? You don’t want to make her feel like you don’t need anyone, right?

No. And here comes the second part of my rule!

6. … It would still be great to meet a fantastic woman!

That’s it. That’s the FULL message you want to convey.

Your life is great, but you know it will be even better if you meet someone special.

Here is what you can say in your online dating profile:

Although I truly love my life, I know it can be so much better with the right woman! There is something magical about feminine energy. And not even the most fantastic and fulfilling job or hobby can replace that.

I would love for the right woman to enter my life, my reality. I would like to show you all the things I am passionate about and share them with you.

What you are saying here is this. You love your life, it’s great. She gets that. But, there is incredible value the right woman can bring.

By the way, did you notice what you also did here? You qualified a woman. This means you made it clear that you are not after any woman. You only want the right woman.

7. Invite her to your reality

So once you find that right woman, you will invite her to your reality!

This brings us all the way back to the problem of neediness. You see, a needy man expects to enter the reality of a woman.

This is because he’s reality is boring and uninspiring to him. There is nothing interesting happening there. He does not like it.

In contrast, he thinks a woman’s reality will be so much better, and he needs to get in.

What you will do, if you follow this advice, is the opposite. Your online dating profile will convey that your reality is just great.

What it lacks though is a great woman. It is up to you to decide what kind of a woman it must be. But it has to be someone special, because you already have a very special life.

8. Conclusion

Once I explained this rule to you, it does not seem difficult to implement, does it. Here are the steps to implement it:

  1. Discover what you love about your life. If you don’t love anything, develop a hobby. Educate yourself. Life is too short not to love it.
  2. When writing your online dating profile, adopt the right mindset. The mindset is that you love your life and are passionate about the things happening there.
  3. Say it explicitly in your profile. Show it with pictures. Tell a story to raise questions in her head and trigger emotions.
  4. But then also communicate clearly what your life lacks. And that’s a special woman.

Did you enjoy this article? Leave a comment and tell me what you think about this rule! Or contact me directly. Either way, I would love to hear from you!

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